Is it really worth it?

Maybe I should let go, maybe I should hold on. Intense feeling of the unknown closing in and creeping in making your hair stand up. Blood pumping as you hold razor blades looking at the roof and seeing a rope. Should I end it all? Should I just be selfish and rid the pain no matter who gets hurt? Is it really worth it? Gasping for air, I can’t breathe I can’t eat or even think. Fuck! This feels like a nightmare but am awake, even the drugs cant numb the pain. You should have been the first to pick it up, you should have seen his dying, and you should have seen she’s dying. You cared about yourself so much you couldn’t see the pain you were putting them through, you cared about your pain so much that you couldn’t reach a point of yall being a team and beating the pain together. All you cared about was you no one else, it’s okay to be selfish. It’s okay to be afraid and to protect you more than the next person, but did you not see when he/she fell on the ground begging for your help? When they tried to reach your hand and you kept walking like they didn’t exist. Are we that self-centered, are we really that selfish? The easy way is to protect you but never lend a helping hand. Are we really that demonic? Are we really not human enough to see when one needs our help? The casket goes down and we sit in regret, asking ourselves a billion questions but never asking ourselves what we did to help when they needed us the most. Memories shared, stories told but never going back in time to see if we tried helping. Amagugu, kena le modisa as we cry next to the grave because we regret not being the help they needed. They tried reaching out, they tried voicing their concerns, they tried to numb the pain nothing helped and no one listened. R.I.Ps is all we see but did we give a helping hand? Pictures on your stories don’t help, because regret is a fate far worse than death. As of today check on your friends, check on your families’ depression is real…. Let’s try and save lives out there…. Olebogeng R Motsanana

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